The Last Werewolf (Novel)

Do you like extremely well written novels? Do you like compelling characters that have a supernatural, fantastical element to them? How about well paced plots, clever dialogue, and intriguing action sequences? You like all that stuff, right? Who wouldn't?

OK, how about steamy, raunchy, and very dirty werewolf on werewolf sex? No? Well, that's fine because if you prefer your raunch to be between homosapians, there's also a good amount of that too.

Now, before you run off, let me quickly say that describing The Last Werewolf as I just did is doing a major disservice to a very fine literary novel. Glen Duncan has crafted together a very fine piece of fiction that doesn't come around very often.

Fantasy and erotica aside, this is indeed a piece of literary fiction. I used the Kindle dictionary assiduously. Assiduously: adverb; actively, intently... thanks Mr. Duncan. So, he's got the writing chops but he also knows his genre fiction. This is the untold story of the last werewolf on earth and the group of people out to kill him. Oh, and there are vampires too.

There are horror elements to the book. This mainly comes from the gory violence that the werewolf takes part in but I would not put this next to a Stephen King novel. I liken it more to Ellison's Invisible Man. You know, if the disenchanted black man from that novel was a two-hundred-year-old British werewolf that fed on humans and had the libido of a jackrabbit on Viagra.

If you have the stomach for the violence and aren't turned off by the sex, The Last Werewolf is quite an amazing read. Never has a man-eating monster been more sympathetic and human.

Over the Top

During either 1985 or 1986, real living people got together in a room and said out loud, "We really need to make a professional arm wrestling movie."

From there another person said, "I will write that script." And yet another said, "I will produce and provide many millions of dollars for it, in fact, I'll give you enough money to hire Sylvester Stallone to play the arm wrestling athlete/person man."

I want to take this opportunity to thank these visionaries for, without them, Over the Top would not exist and the world would be a sadder place.

Yes, the acting is pretty horrible. Yes, the plot involving a bratty boy and his estranged, truck driving, professional arm wrestling dad is incredibly weak. By the way, I just wrote estranged, truck driving, professional arm wrestling dad. How does this movie not have 100% on rotten tomatoes?

For everything going against it, for all the ridiculousness, the movie works for me. I was 10-years-old when the movie was released and it really fit nicely in The Karate Kid mold of movie. You know, movies that end with awesome tournaments set to music.

The arm wrestlers are like comic book characters come to life. Or, better yet, they were like a hidden brand of the WWF which ruled my life at that time. How could one forget the grizzled, cigar eating man-thing of a man wearing a FUBAR army shirt? This movie taught me what FUBAR meant. Thanks, Dad! Kids, go ask your dad too. It's hilarious.

There were so many great moments in the tournament. There was the guy who gets his arm broken. There was the strap that connected the wrists in the final battle. Finally, there was the crane kick technique of arm wrestling movies, Stallone's amazing, finger-adjusting over the top maneuver.

I just lifted my hands off the keyboard and did it right now. Wait....I just did it again. That's it, where's my official Over the Top arm wrestling table. I'm starting a league. It will have a soundtrack, right?

The Voice (TV Review)

I can unequivocally say without embarrassment that I love NBC's The Voice. I get giddy with excitement when I realize that my DVR has a new episode ready for me to watch. It's a two hour show and I could easily watch another 2 hours each time it airs.

It's hard to nail down exactly what makes the show so great. The judges are the stars of the show but without the format of the competition, they'd simply be another bunch of celebrity singers without much to say. The judges have a real investment in picking the right singers for their teams. The singers are a direct reflection on the judges' personal tastes and the celebrities need to pump their huge egos and prove they are the best at finding and nurturing talent.

The Voice breaks the competition into three stages. There is the blind audition, the battle rounds, and then the live performances where America votes. It's really a reversal of how America Idol works. On The Voice, the opening blind audition is what really gives the show its uniqueness.

The initial open auditions for American Idol are all about "look at me" America. The contestants are screaming — look at how cute, beautiful, or unconventional I am. Also, there is the ever prominent and cringe-worthy, look at how big of a freak I am, America, and how I'm debasing myself to get on TV.

The Voice's opening rounds take the opposite approach. The judges (more on them in a bit) must turn their backs on the singers while they perform and the judges choose to turn their chairs based only on what they are hearing. When multiple judges turn for a singer, the power shifts into the contestant's hands and that's when the show really shines.

It shines because the judges are tremendous fun. Adam Levine of Maroon 5 is the breakout star of the show. He's funny and charismatic. His female fan base has grown exponentially since the show started and it's not just because of the bad boy tattoos or being hot. The dude is simply cool. He fights hard for the singers he wants and it's usually a shock when a singer doesn't pick him.

The hugest name on the show is Christina Aguilera. She's a hell of a singer and she's got a big personality to go with it. She gets so frustrated by Adam's used car salesman pitches, as she calls them, that she often reverts to childish antics to get attention. These burst of immaturity aside, she knows her stuff and she's hell bent on finding the next powerhouse singer.

Blake Shelton on the surface appears to be the token country singer but he is so very much more. He equals, if not surpasses, Adam in the likability department. On the hunt for more than just country singers, Blake maneuvers and charms his way into singer's hearts. And, for a good ol' boy, he can get a little dirty at times.

Speaking of being a little dirty, there's Cee Lo Green. He's the R&B force on the show and also a major showman. Known for his colorful performances, he's actually very soft spoken and sincere. He gathers the most eclectic group of singers which shows he's up for anything as long as the sound moves him. It's a good thing he has to turn his back while they sing because based on his flirtations, his team of twelve would probably consist completely of supermodel singers.

There are faults to The Voice. Ever present in reality TV, the sappy contestant stories take up a lot of time and are fast forward material.

Also, since the judges have a limited number of slots on their teams, they are very picky with whom they'll turn their chairs. Really good singers and performers are passed over and the judges are left kicking themselves. It can be frustrating but there is plenty of talent on the show to make up for the ones that are left behind.

The talent is indeed very high. For the most part, these are not children in high school or local dive bar singers out for one last hurrah. The singers are professionals and the casting directors seek them out.

I think I'll leave it there for now. The battle rounds are just starting for season two and that brings a different dynamic to the show. At the moment, it's still all on the judges to put the best singers through for America to vote on. I hope another Dia Frampton (a season one standout) shoots to the top because as the show goes on, the talent gets highlighted more and more and the judges will be judged themselves on how they groomed their singers.

Episode XII: Return of the Blog

The son is one, the Craig household is semi-sane, it must be time to blog again. The 80s aren't getting any younger — oh, hello there Voltron and He-Man in a Met-Life insurance advertisement.

I've certainly missed all five or six of you and I'm sure you've missed my ever timely reviews of movies and toys that, if they were humans (which would be weird), would be old enough to drink legally.

I'd like to thank the kind folks at www.underscoopfire.com for giving me a kick-start to writing again with the fear of them sending some of their readers my way and my potential new readers finding an abandoned mining town of a blog.

So, I'm back. Besides revisiting the 80s, I'll be reviewing movies, books, video games, comic books, and TV. My reviews will run the gamut from new releases to entertainment I'm just now discovering for myself.

Thanks for coming by and, hopefully, sticking around.

Kevin

The Expendables (Movie Review)

Having given his Rocky and Rambo franchises one last successful hurrah in recent years, Sylvester Stallone decided to put a nice and tidy bow on the over-the-top 1980s action movie phenomenon with his self-directed homage to the genre, The Expendables.

Stallone gathered up some of his old and new action buddies for a fun romp of a film that could have been lifted straight out of of 1985. A few of his 80s action rivals, such as Bruce Willis and "the" Arnold, make small, tongue-in-cheek cameos in the film. But, of the well-known 80s stars, it seems only Stallone's pharmaceutically enhanced, leathery body was capable of the punishment this action-heavy movie would produce.

So, bring in the new blood. Jason Statham and Jet Li are the closest friends to Stallone's character in the movie and they get the most screen time. The other action-ready expendables are made up of Randy Couture, of mixed marital arts fame, and the hulking Terry Crews, of the Old Spice commercials. Mickey Rourke attempts to steal the award for most leathered and steroid enhanced but he only plays a retired member of the crew who gets to cry, tattoo, and give advice.

Dolph "I will crush you" Lundrgren is the loose-cannon of the group who has fallen on hard times and can not be trusted. He plays a small, but pivotal role in the film.

If you've seen any 80s action film you know the general plot of this film. It goes something like this: bad dictator, people in danger, things and people get blown up, heroes come in, bad people and bad things get blown up, drink beer to Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Stallone does inject a little heart and sappiness into the story so it's not all guts and glory but for the most part it's lots and lots of action.

Two memorable moments stood out for me from the film. The first was Terry Crews' ridiculous gun. If you have seen the movie Predator, you may remember the amazing gun that Jesse "The Body" Ventura utilized to mow down half of the jungle. Well, Terry Crew's gun is that set to a 11. When he shows up with it and literally starts eviscerating people, well, it's a thing of pure beauty.

Before I chronicle that other amusing part of the movie, I have to mention that Stone Cold Steve Austin plays a heavy for the bad guys. He kind of skulks around and is menacing and you know that sooner or later he is going to battle it out with the expendables. He actually has one hell of a fight with Stallone that ends in kind of a stand still but I think Stone Cold got the better of Rocky.

However, this is not the last man-to-man fight that Steve Austin has in the film. Nope, out of nowhere he has a quick and brutal confrontation with Randy Couture. Now, Couture is by now means a main person in the expendables crew. He has a few amusing lines but for the most part he's just another body in the group. But, in real life he was a legitimate badass college wrestler and as soon as he started mixing it up on screen with one of the most famous WWE, a la fake, wresters of all time, I thought the outcome would be extremely interesting.

In any other action movie, a main bad guy like the one Austin was portraying would have quickly and brutally killed Couture's character in order to have a real emotional scene of the villain killing a likable good guy. Yet, in an obvious attempt at stating to the world that a real wrestler would never lose to a fake wrestler, even in a fantasy, macho-male action movie, Couture bests Stone Cold in a shockingly quick and nasty way. I laughed out loud at the audacity of the scene but it was still highly entertaining.

The Expendables is a great throwback film and I think Sylvester Stallone succeeded in what he set out to make. I actually hope he's able to make a sequel or two as all the characters are really enjoyable to watch and things blow up real good.

The Hunger Games (Book Review)

Following the Harry Potter and Twilight books, The Hunger Games, by Suzanne Collins, is the next huge book series aimed at young adults. Like the Potter and Twilight phenomenon, The Hunger Games is taking the world by storm and is reaching all ages of readers and appeals equally to girls and boys.


The series has a great set-up. We are in the not-too-distant future and the area of the world that used to be North America has been ravaged by war and the human race has been severely reduced. However, there is still a semblance of society and civilization. The world of the book is run by a city known as The Capitol. Imagine a wheel with spokes and The Capitol would be placed at the center with the 12 districts it oversees fanning out around it.

The Capitol rules with an iron fist and takes what it wants from the districts. It keeps them in line with a strong security force. In the recent past, the districts attempted an uprising but were subjugated. As an ongoing punishment and reminder of the district's place as servants to The Capitol, the hunger games were created.

Each year, a lottery is held in each district and one girl and one boy between the ages of 12 and 18 are selected to battle to the death with the other districts' unfortunate participants. The games are gladiatorial contests to the death and each year they are staged in different natural arenas that are not only pitted with weapons for each competitor to use, but also unspeakable death traps and grisly surprises.

The book opens with our heroine, Katniss. She, like all members of district 12 is living one day at a time. Her district is the mining area of the empire and is a backwater afterthought. The residents eek by on meager rations and Katniss and her good friend, Gale, help their families survive by hunting illegally in the woods outside of district boundaries.

The hunting lifestyle has made Katniss into a talented archer and a very resourceful and strong-willed young woman. Katniss cherishes her family more than anything and when the inevitable lottery comes around again in her 16th year, she dutifully approaches the town square to hear who the unlucky girl and boy will be.

When her 12-year-old, younger sister, Prim, has her name announced, Katniss does the only thing she can to save her, she volunteers to take her place in the hunger games. All seems lost for Katniss but she discovers she has an interesting history with the boy selected next to her. Peeta is her age and she doesn't really know him that well. However, Peeta knows Katniss better than any other living person as he has secretly loved her since the first day he laid eyes upon her.

Thus, Katnis and Peeta are whisked away to the Capitol to begin their training for the hunger games. Katniss has to say goodbye to not only her family, but her dear friend, Gale, who she never quite sorted out her feelings for. Gale has been her steady friend for years and she has always been so concerned with what her next meal will be that she's never considered him as anything else until she is forced to leave him, in all probability to die.

Because, make no mistake, Katniss and Peeta will not be favorites to survive the games. Only one child wins and the districts closer to the capitol are better fed and their kids are better trained. Only one child from the last 30 years has won from district 12. That child, now a drunken man called Haymitch, will actually be their mentor at the games and this doesn't seem in anyway an advantage.

That's all the details I'm getting into. I wanted to paint a picture of the world and give you an idea of where the book is headed. The games are even more cruel and amazing then you would think for a young adult novel. Katniss, Peeta, and Haymitch are a dysfunctional group who argue and stumble through the pre-game ceremonies and training. Yet, they manage to bond and they quickly realize that they will all need each other if anyone is to survive.

There is real emotion involved once they reach the Capitol. These are just children that are being forced to murder or be murdered in turn. It's brutal and it is draining to watch them stare their mortality in the face. But, through all the tragedy, there is heroism, generosity from unexpected places, and love.

I've actually finished the entire trilogy and it is exceptional. There's no way to go into details without spoiling major story and character revelations. I hope your curiosity is piqued and you give the books a chance. I know you will love them.

Despicable Me (Movie Review)

I really didn't know what type of movie to expect with Despicable Me. I knew the main character, played with an Eastern European accent by Steve Carell, was some sort of super-villain. I figured this probably meant that the villain would start off real nasty and by the end of the film be redeemed and all cuddly-like.

Well, I wasn't far off in my prediction. The main character, Gru, is indeed the most heinous villain on the planet at the start of the film but right away he's upstaged by a new villain. Unable to let this stand, Gru sets in motion his grand plan to steal the moon that will make him the greatest villain in history.

Gru and his new tracksuit wearing nemesis start competing with each other and along the way, Gru picks up three orphaned girls in a scheme to infiltrate his hated rival's lair.

There are plenty of comedic moments throughout the film. Most of the laughs are supplied by Gru's little yellow henchmen. They are constantly banging into things, making funny noises, and bumbling through their tasks. Gru's nemesis is pretty amusing as well.

The heart of the film involves Gru's icy nature slowly melting away while he has the three girls in his house. At first, he simply tolerates them for his plan but he begins to enjoy their company and by the end, he's smitten.

Despicable Me is solid animated offering. This isn't exactly Pixar-level entertainment we're talking about here but it's great for all ages and it's a film that will make you feel good when you finish it.