Legoland Florida Review

Legoland Florida is the latest theme park to emerge in central Florida. It's located in Winter Haven which is about forty-five minutes from Disney World and the other area attractions. It's a decent drive to get there if you are staying near Disney but not horrible by any means. Luckily, my family doesn't have to worry about all this driving nonsense since we live less than 2 miles from the park.

As we watched the park being built, our excitement grew as new structures could be glimpsed from the road. We took a leap of faith and purchased annual passes. Since opening in October, we've been six times with many more visits planned. The passes were well worth it as we absolutely love Legoland.

We still haven't experienced everything Legoland has to offer but I have a pretty good feel for the park and figured it was time to share my thoughts.

First off, everyone needs to know that this park is geared towards families with young children which is exactly the make up of my family. I have two girls, aged three and four, respectively, and my son who is one. I feel my girls are just on the outside of the age 'sweet spot' for Legoland (between six and ten) but they still get tons out of the park.

The fun is too plentiful to mention it all l but I wanted to cover  some highlights. Legoland features four different roller coasters. My girls can ride two of them, The Dragon and Coastersaurus and they love them both. The Dragon takes place in a medieval castle. The theming is great and the village atmosphere outside the castle really sets the scene.

The Dragon starts off simple enough with a comfy air-conditioned ride through the castle. You first witness larger-than-life Lego figures having a brawl in a tavern. The atmosphere darkens as you come upon the Dragons liar and you pass right underneath the moving, Lego dragon. The girls tend not to love this part. Once past the dragon, the sorcerer casts a spell and you are suddenly outside and climbing. The ride transforms into a gentle, but still thrilling coaster that goes through a few minor dips with tight turns. The girls can't get enough of the coaster. If you plan your time of day, you could get on the ride multiple times in a row as they pump the guests through the que rather quickly.

Coastersaurus is a hold-over from the Cypress Gardens Adventure Park. It was a good decision to hold on to this wooden coaster as it has a good sense of speed and enough dips and jostles to give a good thrill. The dinosaur theme is a little slapped on but the large Lego triceratops outside the ride is one of the most impressive Lego builds in the park.

Just outside of Coastersaurus is one of the newest eatable treats in the park. It's a called a waffle spear. It's long triangle of waffle that is speared by wooden skewer. The waffle is then dipped in warm chocolate sauce and covered in rainbow sprinkles and powdered sugar. It is amazing. I want to go back right now just for one of them.

The Royal Joust is another favorite. It's a single child at a time on a lego horse. The horse gallops along on a circuitous route through a jousting field. One drawback is your child must be four to get on the ride or at least old enough to lie to the operator.

In the Land of Adventure there are two attractions that stand out for us. The first is the Lost Kingdom Adventure. If you are familiar with the Magic Kingdom, this ride is similar to the Buzz Lightyear ride where you ride through a shooting range and try to rack up the points with your light gun. The theme is Indiana Jonesish with treasure, skeletons, and mummy tombs. Hint: shoot the red lights for bonus points.

The other ride is such a simple concept but so completely effective. Beetle Bounce is a kid-friendly hydraulic lift ride. Think Tower of Terror kiddie-size. My girls giggle nonstop while we are bouncing up and down on the ride. It's a lot of fun and can be ridden many times in a row.

Being that the park was built on the site of one of Florida's first theme parks, Cypress Gardens, Legoland wanted to retain some of the aspects of that well respected park. Cypress Gardens was known for their lush gardens and elegant water ski shows. There is now a pirate-themed water ski show that we enjoy. It's not the most elaborate show but it has a few chuckles and the kids get invested in the lady hero pirate. You can never have enough heros for the girls.

We made it into the 'Cypress Gardens' themed area of the park for the first time on our last visit. This area is beautiful. It's flowers and trees are amazing and there are charming paths that wind through the foliage. It's kind of tucked away and may not seem worth the effort to enter because there are no rides but it is very much worth the time to check out. It's breathtaking.

The regular Drive School is for ages six and up so we've yet to have one of our children experience it. But, the girls do get to do the Junior Driving School. Each child gets their own Lego motorized car that they drive completely on their own around a small track. There's no rails. The little ones really press the accelerator and steer the wheel. I'm really impressed at how well such young kids do on this ride. The girls absolutely love it and feel like they are rock stars when they get their driver licenses at the end.

By far, the highlight for daddy is Miniland USA. The work and detail put into the structures is staggering. They capture so many of the key areas of major U.S. cities and most of the major Florida landmarks. It is out in the middle of the sun so the wife and kids can't really hang for long. I'm planning a trip in the future just for myself to spend a good two hours looking at all the detail.

I've got to get to some nitpicks so let me quickly run through some other attractions that we like. The 4-D show is entertaining. Three different shows air on a rotation. We've only caught one of them but it's certainly unique. Bring a sweater. When the fans start blowing it gets very cold.

The technic area is nicely done. The technic coaster is very high up but not much of a thriller. The water spin ride is whiplashtastic and you will get nice and wet.

We like to take a break in the Duplo area. It has a couple of nice play areas for the kids and the baby station is tucked away here so it's a frequent visit for us. The rides in this area are nothing to go crazy over but if you have young kids they'll enjoy them.

Also, don't miss the Big Test Live Show, it's very funny with good stuntwork.

The eating options at the park are kind of hit or miss for us. I guess this starts my nitpicking. The best option for sit down eating is the all you can eat pizza buffet. It's a very reasonable price, especially compared to other fare at the park. They have your normal burger places but they are all way over priced but I suppose in-line for theme parks these days.

Cost in general for Legoland Florida is on the high side. Parking is outrageous at $12 a car. I have the parking pass lumped in with my annual pass so I don't really feel that sting but it is an extreme cost. Admittance to the park is also quite high. They are in the price neighborhood of Disney, Universal, and Sea World and while I absolutely love Legoland, I don't see it as being in the same league as these A+ parks. I'd call the park a solid B on the same scale which should bring down the ticket to the high $50s or low $60s and not the $75 it is at the gate ($68 online).

They advertise the park as workable for ages two and up but I have to disagree. I'd make sure your child is at least three and a minimum of 38 inches or even safer, 42 inches. Young children get a lot out of the rides but the problem is the height requirements and the vehicle restrictions. If your child is under 48 inches, every single ride is one adult and one child. No more no less.

I run into constant problems with my two girls. A lot of the time, my wife will hang back with our 1-year-old and I'll try to quickly take the girls on a ride. Well, with the 1 to 1 ratio I just mentioned, I'm always left scrambling on what to do with the extra child. When the park first opened, I was able to get an employee to ride with my other child but that's not really an option now. My wife is now having to wait in line with us and I ride with one child and then swap the child out.

This child swap is an understandable problem for thrill rides and parks like Disney have rules in place for instances like this but Legoland seems to be flying by the seat of its pants. No, the real issue is that there just aren't rides here that a family can go on. Peter Pan, Dumbo, Winnie-the-Pooh, Small World and many others like it are rides that the whole family can go on together, babies and toddlers included. For being a family park, Legoland makes you make some very tough decisions on who is going to get to ride what ride because not everyone is getting on.

What exacerbates the whole riding situation is a clear lack of signage to indicate what rides your child is allowed to ride. There are signs but they are almost always buried within the que of the ride. Two bad examples of this pop to mind. The jousting ride is great fun but as I mentioned above, your child has to be over four. The entrance to the que is a set a ways up from the main walkway. Only when you walk all the way up and read the fine print on the sign do you finally understand that your excited, yet only three-year-old little girl can not get on the horse (hence the lying for future attempts).

The other example is the driving schools. The main driving school is stuck in the back corner of area. You literally have to walk past the junior school to get the main school only to find out your child is to young. Back you trek to the junior school that you just passed and could have just stopped at if there had been prominent signage in place explaining the limitations. These seem like minor things, and I  can admit  they probably are, but you run into stuff like this constantly with the rides and after the fifth or sixth time, the frustration really starts to build.

OK, I have vented. Don't let the last few paragraphs deter you. All parks have negatives and I feel a lot of the problems could be easily fixed with a little more attention to detail. The prices aren't going to come down but that's just theme park visiting these days.

I have left off many of the other stellar aspects of the park. Like I said before, after six visits, we still haven't experienced it all. A new water park is being added in May and that will be very welcome. If you are in central Florida or are planning an extended trip to the theme parks in the area, I think you'd be very remiss to skip Legoland. Do your research. The park has odd operating hours and sometimes closes during the week. Get there early as there is a ton to cover, especially considering the park usually closes between five and six pm.

I do hope you come and visit. My family really needs Legoland to be a success. Winter Haven is a decently sized city but a successful theme park will bring so much more to the area, like Target! We are oh so tired of going to Super Wal-Mart for everything. So make the drive. Maybe we'll see you there. I'll be the one covered in a chocolate waffle.

Podcastpalooza Part 2

Let's jump right in to round two. There's no categories this time around, just more awesome podcasts.

WDW Today iTunes
Matt, Mike, Len, and Mike are marathon podcasters. Not only do they put out three 20 minute episodes a week but Mike Scopa and Len Testa are actual real marathon runners. WDW Today is a podcast that covers everything you need to know about Walt Disney World. The focus is more on giving advice for vacationers vs. commenting on rumors or news. The information is tremendous and the podcast is very entertaining with Len, in particular, being very funny and quick witted.

The Unofficial Guide's Disney Dish with Jim Hill iTunes
Len Testa from the WDW Today podcast has started putting out this show with Jim Hill. Each episode, the gentlemen pick a destination at Walt Disney World (a park or group of resorts) and record themselves as they take a leisurely stroll. Jim Hill is one of the most connected people to the history and inner workings of Walt Disney World. He is a fountain of Disney knowledge. If you want to know why certain decisions were made at the World then this is your podcast. I should warn you though, some of the meaty dishes they serve up will leave you distraught at what could have been over the years. Disney has shelved some amazing ideas, almost always for the wrong reason, money.

Mike and Tom Eat Snacks iTunes
Michael Ian Black, probably best known as a commentator on VH1's myriad of pop shows like I Love the 80s, is one half of this hilarious snack-commenting duo. The other half, Tom Cavanagh, is best known as the lead actor on the TV show Ed. The set-up for the podcast is that each week, they pick a snack, rate it, and comment on it. Oh, but it is so much more than a simple food rating show. The guys are best friends and if they talk about the actual snack for longer than five minutes, it is a rare event. They are improv actors so if subject comes up, no matter how wacky, they'll just run with it until they completely exhaust it. You will be laughing nonstop as you listen and you might learn a thing or two about Fritos.

The Tobolowsky Files iTunes
Stephen Tobolowsky is an amazing story teller. You probably best know him as Ned Ryerson from the movie Groundhog Day. (Bing! Watch out for that first step, it's a doozy). Tobolowsky has been a character actor in Hollywood for a very long time but his stories of acting are just the tip of iceberg. This man has lived and his ability to tell stories is one of the most amazing gifts I've ever listened to. He puts you right there and the emotion he conveys is staggering. This is a can't miss podcast.

Those are the main ones I wanted to talk about but I do want to mention a couple of quick ones.

Fuzzy Typewriter iTunes
Paul Montgomery is one of the main writers on the iFanboy site. He runs this personal podcast where he covers whatever fancies him. He also runs a book club through the podcast.

Creative Screenwriting Magazine Podcastalley
Jeff Goldsmith ran this podcast for years. It has since ended but the backload is still on the internet to explore. Jeff hosted movie screenings and would then have a Q&A with the writers of the film afterwords. This is a great podcast for writers, movie aficionados, or anyone that wants a peek behind the curtain of Hollywood.

The Q&A with Jeff Goldsmith iTunes
This is the podcast Jeff moved to after he left the Screenwriting Magazine. He continues with his great interviews and it's still going strong.

How Did This Get Made? iTunes
A few stand-up comedians, some of them recognizable from the VH1 shows, put out this podcast. They pick a generally agreed upon, awful movie and ask the question, How did this pile of trash get made? Who made these decisions? Who put Richard Prior in Superman 3? These are valid questions that need answering.

Weekend Confirmed iTunes
This is a great video game podcast that covers a lot of the same ground as the GiantBomb guys. Jeff Cannata (the best thing about the TotallyRadShow) is a co-host so follow this podcast just for him alone.

There you go. That's what I listen to. I told you it's almost like having a second job. A second job while I'm working my main job. But, I do love them. I hope you will too.

Part 1

Podcasts I Love

It didn't come into focus until I decided to write this post but podcasts make up a significant portion of my entertainment menagerie. I listen or watch at least one podcast every day and in the time I dedicate to some of my favorite shows, I could easily watch a movie or read 100-150 pages of a book.

Shows have gotten me through countless hours of my day job. If I know I'm going to be stuck at the computer for the next 2 hours, out comes the ipod and it's like I'm not even working—I'm just hanging out with a few of my faceless friends yapping in my earbuds.

I want to highlight some of my favorite podcasts. The podcasts are informative, geeky, hilarious, or just plain stupid. If you are new to podcasts, I hope I can open you up to a whole new world of entertainment. If you are an old pro, maybe there are a few new gems in here for you. If you like all the same ones I like,  I will validate that your taste is as finely tuned and correct as mine.

On media (movies, comic books, video games)

The Totally Rad Show iTunes
TRS covers all the main fields of geek entertainment. It's a video show that comes out five times a week. Each episode runs about fifteen minutes. The three hosts: Jeff, Alex, and Dan highlight a movie, video game, or other rad thing each day and give their honest impressions. The production values are pretty stellar with cool graphics and interstitials. They just had their five year anniversary and I've been with them every step of the way. Jeff and Alex have improv backgrounds so the laughs come frequently while Dan is an emerging movie director and his insights into film are top notch. I respect their reviews and point-of-views. Their show is one of the highlights of my day.

Giant Bombcast iTunes
I used to follow many video game podcasts. I spent countless hours listening to different people on different shows say pretty much the same thing about the same games. It got kind of ridiculous how much of my time was spent listening about games I'd probably never play. I still listen to talk about games I'll probably never play but now it's just one group of people. It's the best group, though. Anchored by video game journalist superstar, Jeff Gerstmann, the Giant Bombcast is the one podcast I listen to above all others. Jeff, Ryan, Brad, Vinny, and Patrick make up the best video game commentators in the business. All my video game knowledge comes from them. All my energy drink and dubstep information comes from them too. Their conversations can get hilariously derailed at any time but they always come back to the games. This is the best video game podcast from the guys behind Giant Bomb, one of Time magazine's top 50 websites of 2011.

iFanboy iTunes
The guys at iFanboy put out two shows. Their video show used to come out once a week but it now doesn't come out very often. Still, there is a big backload of videos with lots of cool information about the world of comics—very much worth checking out. The pick of the week podcast is my mainstay. Each week one of the three guys behind the site picks their favorite book that came out that week. They spend about ten minutes talking about the book and then do quick hits on another ten or so books before answering questions from their listeners. I've tried many books on their recommendation and since I don't have the budget to follow every comic out there, this is a great way for me to know what's happening in books that I can't pick up.

More on media (books and music)


iTunes Weekly Rewind and Celebrity Playlist Podcast iTunes for Celebrity Playlist
Sadly, both of these podcasts are now done. However, there are literally years of backlog to go through and if you have any interest in music, I highly recommend you at least check out the iTunes Weekly Rewind. The Rewind came out for years and they used the highlights of that week in music as a springboard into bigger conversations about artists. These guys know their stuff. There is such a grand world of music out there and I learned so much about artists from the 50s all the way up to the most recent obscure indie acts.

The Celebrity Playlist is just what it sounds like. You can cherry pick which shows interest you. You may not care what Snooki has to recommend but when someone like Neil Diamond recommends music, you listen.

Update—It seems that iTunes has pulled the archive of the Weekly Rewind. I can't discover why the show was cancelled in the first place and now with the archive being gone, the mystery deepens. The show descriptions are still up and worth going through and they list the great music featured in each episode. Show List

The Bookrageous Podcast iTunes
The guys and girls on this podcast are all booksellers and bloggers. Each show starts with them talking about what they are currently reading. They read tons. Most of them are juggling 2-4 books at a time so you get a lot of content. They tend to focus on mainstream new release literature but they branch out plenty. Each show has a theme that prompts them to talk about more than just what they are reading. They are passionate about books and my personal 'to read' list has grown exponentially since I started listening.

I'm going to break this into two posts since this is the end of my media podcasts. My next post will cover podcasts about Disney, screenwriting, snacks, and more. I'll have it up soon so please come back.

Part 2

Old cartoons make zzzzzzzz

I have such fond memories of all the cartoons I grew up watching. There, of course, were the 80s staples of He-Man, Transformers, G.I. Joe, and Air Raiders. Air Raiders? I also watched countless hours of Disney and Looney Toons cartoons.

When DVD brought most of these shows (still waiting on Air Raiders) back into my life I was on cloud nine. I wanted to buy every season and every collection. And, in many cases, I did just that. I have the first seasons of He-Man, Transformers, and G.I. Joe. I also have a healthy library of the Disney and Warner shorts.

My DVD shelves look amazing. It's just too bad I can't really watch the cartoons because they are like my own personal Lunesta, Ambien, Nyquil, and Thanksgiving Day turkey combined into one all powerful knockout drug.

Seriously, five minutes into He-Man my eyes start giving up. I last a little longer with Transformers and G. I. Joe because, let's be honest, He-Man is terrible. Watching He-Man makes me embarrassed for my 8-year-old self.

Even shows I loved, and still love, like Transformers and G.I. Joe. I'm only good for one episode. I feel like I completed a P90X workout after. I really don't get it. In my head, I think that the old Disney and Warner cartoons don't effect me as badly but I only ever make it through two to three of them which is about the equivalent of one of the half-hour 80s shows.

I can only offer theories as to why my body wants me to impersonate Rip Van Winkle. I suppose since I'm older now the shows don't grab me like they did when I was younger. This could be true but when the "The VWiper" (misspelling intentional) freaks out the entire G. I. Joe base it still cracks me up.

I also think I know the shows too well. I've seen some of these episodes, especially the early seasons, multiple times over. Maybe by the 20th viewing of the Autobot, Jet-fire, being melted out of the ice your body just starts to shut down.

It's really disappointing. I want to re-watch these cartoons with my children one day and I honestly don't think I'll make it through. Perhaps I'll watch their expressions as Goofy falls, He-Man pontificates, and Optimus does his awesomeness. That might just get me through it. Might.

In Defense of Comic Book Men (TV)

Comic Book Men is a new reality show that airs on AMC, Sundays at 10:00 p.m. The cameras follow the employees and customers at Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash. The store is located in New Jersey, the home state of film director and sometime comic book writer, Kevin Smith, who owns the store.

The show has been generally reviled and derided in the comic book community. Comments range from — not worth your time to it's trash. I've watched the show for a month now and I very much disagree with the negativity. The main hook of the show is showing people coming into the store to try to sell their geek memorabilia. This is one of major points of emphasis for people who dislike Comic Book Men. I must say, when I started reading reviews and heard the show described as a nerdy Pawn Stars knockoff, I was very disappointed.

But, let's look at this from the point of view of a producer. What are they going to show to fill an hour of TV that will catch an audience's attention? I have frequented my share of comic book stores and by far the coolest thing about them is their unique merchandise and the general atmosphere of geek; whether it be in the form of conversations about super villains or arguments about which Star Wars prequel is the worst (it's Episode I by the way).

There really is nothing exciting about turning the cameras on every Wednesday (comic book day in the U.S.) and watching regular customers come in and buy a stack of weekly comics. The cameras may catch a quick exchange or two that is vaguely interesting but for the most part, regular customers are either going to be too intimated to talk or overly enthusiastic.

I have no problem with the format of the show. There has been some really cool and amazing stuff come through the door to be sold and the guys behind the counter have been genuine in their excitement or disdain. Perhaps there's something going on behind the scenes where the producers put it out there that if you have unique or pricey items that you are willing to part with, you could get your fifteen minutes of TV fame. I'm cool with that. All reality TV is manufactured in some way and it has put some incredible geekness on the screen.

The other part, as I mentioned above, that makes the comic book store experience pretty fun is the conversation. With an amazing storyteller and public speaker such as Kevin Smith as one of your producers, why not use him to drive the conversation? The show films Smith and his four store workers as they record a podcast about the latest happenings at the store. Not only does this allow some narration and set-up to scenes we are witnessing but it gives a venue for the nerdy conversations.

Yes, they've discussed the hottest female super-hero, what super power they would want, and which batmobile is the coolest. However, they also sprinkle in the history of comic books and discuss creators and books that people should know more about.

I believe that people that hate the show do so because it shows off, in bright shiny colors, all the things that people see as stereotypical of comic readers and of comic book stores. Yes, it is a shame that they aren't focusing more on the great graphic novels and high-end, literary quality art and stories that are being produced today. Of course, I wish they would give equal time to books and creators that have nothing to do with people wearing capes or spandex.

Reality check time here, pun intended. I have seen nothing on this show that I haven't seen fifty times on my own in a store. You want reality TV? This is the reality of a comic book store. There are introverts and socially awkward people. There are people who are not politically correct and don't care. Comic Book Men doesn't shy away from the facts. They discuss this openly. They are saddened that they can't get women into the store and they know that their market is mainly an aging market of overweight and balding men. I applaud them for giving it to us straight.

I will keep watching as long as AMC keeps it on the air. The podcast talks are just the mixture of intellect and nerd that I love. I could do without some of the manufactured for TV events like dressing up like zombies to boost sales. It's funny though, that zombie stunt actually lost the store money and in the world of the ever struggling comic book store, that is indeed a harsh reality.

The Last Werewolf (Novel)

Do you like extremely well written novels? Do you like compelling characters that have a supernatural, fantastical element to them? How about well paced plots, clever dialogue, and intriguing action sequences? You like all that stuff, right? Who wouldn't?

OK, how about steamy, raunchy, and very dirty werewolf on werewolf sex? No? Well, that's fine because if you prefer your raunch to be between homosapians, there's also a good amount of that too.

Now, before you run off, let me quickly say that describing The Last Werewolf as I just did is doing a major disservice to a very fine literary novel. Glen Duncan has crafted together a very fine piece of fiction that doesn't come around very often.

Fantasy and erotica aside, this is indeed a piece of literary fiction. I used the Kindle dictionary assiduously. Assiduously: adverb; actively, intently... thanks Mr. Duncan. So, he's got the writing chops but he also knows his genre fiction. This is the untold story of the last werewolf on earth and the group of people out to kill him. Oh, and there are vampires too.

There are horror elements to the book. This mainly comes from the gory violence that the werewolf takes part in but I would not put this next to a Stephen King novel. I liken it more to Ellison's Invisible Man. You know, if the disenchanted black man from that novel was a two-hundred-year-old British werewolf that fed on humans and had the libido of a jackrabbit on Viagra.

If you have the stomach for the violence and aren't turned off by the sex, The Last Werewolf is quite an amazing read. Never has a man-eating monster been more sympathetic and human.

Over the Top

During either 1985 or 1986, real living people got together in a room and said out loud, "We really need to make a professional arm wrestling movie."

From there another person said, "I will write that script." And yet another said, "I will produce and provide many millions of dollars for it, in fact, I'll give you enough money to hire Sylvester Stallone to play the arm wrestling athlete/person man."

I want to take this opportunity to thank these visionaries for, without them, Over the Top would not exist and the world would be a sadder place.

Yes, the acting is pretty horrible. Yes, the plot involving a bratty boy and his estranged, truck driving, professional arm wrestling dad is incredibly weak. By the way, I just wrote estranged, truck driving, professional arm wrestling dad. How does this movie not have 100% on rotten tomatoes?

For everything going against it, for all the ridiculousness, the movie works for me. I was 10-years-old when the movie was released and it really fit nicely in The Karate Kid mold of movie. You know, movies that end with awesome tournaments set to music.

The arm wrestlers are like comic book characters come to life. Or, better yet, they were like a hidden brand of the WWF which ruled my life at that time. How could one forget the grizzled, cigar eating man-thing of a man wearing a FUBAR army shirt? This movie taught me what FUBAR meant. Thanks, Dad! Kids, go ask your dad too. It's hilarious.

There were so many great moments in the tournament. There was the guy who gets his arm broken. There was the strap that connected the wrists in the final battle. Finally, there was the crane kick technique of arm wrestling movies, Stallone's amazing, finger-adjusting over the top maneuver.

I just lifted my hands off the keyboard and did it right now. Wait....I just did it again. That's it, where's my official Over the Top arm wrestling table. I'm starting a league. It will have a soundtrack, right?

The Voice (TV Review)

I can unequivocally say without embarrassment that I love NBC's The Voice. I get giddy with excitement when I realize that my DVR has a new episode ready for me to watch. It's a two hour show and I could easily watch another 2 hours each time it airs.

It's hard to nail down exactly what makes the show so great. The judges are the stars of the show but without the format of the competition, they'd simply be another bunch of celebrity singers without much to say. The judges have a real investment in picking the right singers for their teams. The singers are a direct reflection on the judges' personal tastes and the celebrities need to pump their huge egos and prove they are the best at finding and nurturing talent.

The Voice breaks the competition into three stages. There is the blind audition, the battle rounds, and then the live performances where America votes. It's really a reversal of how America Idol works. On The Voice, the opening blind audition is what really gives the show its uniqueness.

The initial open auditions for American Idol are all about "look at me" America. The contestants are screaming — look at how cute, beautiful, or unconventional I am. Also, there is the ever prominent and cringe-worthy, look at how big of a freak I am, America, and how I'm debasing myself to get on TV.

The Voice's opening rounds take the opposite approach. The judges (more on them in a bit) must turn their backs on the singers while they perform and the judges choose to turn their chairs based only on what they are hearing. When multiple judges turn for a singer, the power shifts into the contestant's hands and that's when the show really shines.

It shines because the judges are tremendous fun. Adam Levine of Maroon 5 is the breakout star of the show. He's funny and charismatic. His female fan base has grown exponentially since the show started and it's not just because of the bad boy tattoos or being hot. The dude is simply cool. He fights hard for the singers he wants and it's usually a shock when a singer doesn't pick him.

The hugest name on the show is Christina Aguilera. She's a hell of a singer and she's got a big personality to go with it. She gets so frustrated by Adam's used car salesman pitches, as she calls them, that she often reverts to childish antics to get attention. These burst of immaturity aside, she knows her stuff and she's hell bent on finding the next powerhouse singer.

Blake Shelton on the surface appears to be the token country singer but he is so very much more. He equals, if not surpasses, Adam in the likability department. On the hunt for more than just country singers, Blake maneuvers and charms his way into singer's hearts. And, for a good ol' boy, he can get a little dirty at times.

Speaking of being a little dirty, there's Cee Lo Green. He's the R&B force on the show and also a major showman. Known for his colorful performances, he's actually very soft spoken and sincere. He gathers the most eclectic group of singers which shows he's up for anything as long as the sound moves him. It's a good thing he has to turn his back while they sing because based on his flirtations, his team of twelve would probably consist completely of supermodel singers.

There are faults to The Voice. Ever present in reality TV, the sappy contestant stories take up a lot of time and are fast forward material.

Also, since the judges have a limited number of slots on their teams, they are very picky with whom they'll turn their chairs. Really good singers and performers are passed over and the judges are left kicking themselves. It can be frustrating but there is plenty of talent on the show to make up for the ones that are left behind.

The talent is indeed very high. For the most part, these are not children in high school or local dive bar singers out for one last hurrah. The singers are professionals and the casting directors seek them out.

I think I'll leave it there for now. The battle rounds are just starting for season two and that brings a different dynamic to the show. At the moment, it's still all on the judges to put the best singers through for America to vote on. I hope another Dia Frampton (a season one standout) shoots to the top because as the show goes on, the talent gets highlighted more and more and the judges will be judged themselves on how they groomed their singers.

Episode XII: Return of the Blog

The son is one, the Craig household is semi-sane, it must be time to blog again. The 80s aren't getting any younger — oh, hello there Voltron and He-Man in a Met-Life insurance advertisement.

I've certainly missed all five or six of you and I'm sure you've missed my ever timely reviews of movies and toys that, if they were humans (which would be weird), would be old enough to drink legally.

I'd like to thank the kind folks at www.underscoopfire.com for giving me a kick-start to writing again with the fear of them sending some of their readers my way and my potential new readers finding an abandoned mining town of a blog.

So, I'm back. Besides revisiting the 80s, I'll be reviewing movies, books, video games, comic books, and TV. My reviews will run the gamut from new releases to entertainment I'm just now discovering for myself.

Thanks for coming by and, hopefully, sticking around.

Kevin

The Expendables (Movie Review)

Having given his Rocky and Rambo franchises one last successful hurrah in recent years, Sylvester Stallone decided to put a nice and tidy bow on the over-the-top 1980s action movie phenomenon with his self-directed homage to the genre, The Expendables.

Stallone gathered up some of his old and new action buddies for a fun romp of a film that could have been lifted straight out of of 1985. A few of his 80s action rivals, such as Bruce Willis and "the" Arnold, make small, tongue-in-cheek cameos in the film. But, of the well-known 80s stars, it seems only Stallone's pharmaceutically enhanced, leathery body was capable of the punishment this action-heavy movie would produce.

So, bring in the new blood. Jason Statham and Jet Li are the closest friends to Stallone's character in the movie and they get the most screen time. The other action-ready expendables are made up of Randy Couture, of mixed marital arts fame, and the hulking Terry Crews, of the Old Spice commercials. Mickey Rourke attempts to steal the award for most leathered and steroid enhanced but he only plays a retired member of the crew who gets to cry, tattoo, and give advice.

Dolph "I will crush you" Lundrgren is the loose-cannon of the group who has fallen on hard times and can not be trusted. He plays a small, but pivotal role in the film.

If you've seen any 80s action film you know the general plot of this film. It goes something like this: bad dictator, people in danger, things and people get blown up, heroes come in, bad people and bad things get blown up, drink beer to Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Stallone does inject a little heart and sappiness into the story so it's not all guts and glory but for the most part it's lots and lots of action.

Two memorable moments stood out for me from the film. The first was Terry Crews' ridiculous gun. If you have seen the movie Predator, you may remember the amazing gun that Jesse "The Body" Ventura utilized to mow down half of the jungle. Well, Terry Crew's gun is that set to a 11. When he shows up with it and literally starts eviscerating people, well, it's a thing of pure beauty.

Before I chronicle that other amusing part of the movie, I have to mention that Stone Cold Steve Austin plays a heavy for the bad guys. He kind of skulks around and is menacing and you know that sooner or later he is going to battle it out with the expendables. He actually has one hell of a fight with Stallone that ends in kind of a stand still but I think Stone Cold got the better of Rocky.

However, this is not the last man-to-man fight that Steve Austin has in the film. Nope, out of nowhere he has a quick and brutal confrontation with Randy Couture. Now, Couture is by now means a main person in the expendables crew. He has a few amusing lines but for the most part he's just another body in the group. But, in real life he was a legitimate badass college wrestler and as soon as he started mixing it up on screen with one of the most famous WWE, a la fake, wresters of all time, I thought the outcome would be extremely interesting.

In any other action movie, a main bad guy like the one Austin was portraying would have quickly and brutally killed Couture's character in order to have a real emotional scene of the villain killing a likable good guy. Yet, in an obvious attempt at stating to the world that a real wrestler would never lose to a fake wrestler, even in a fantasy, macho-male action movie, Couture bests Stone Cold in a shockingly quick and nasty way. I laughed out loud at the audacity of the scene but it was still highly entertaining.

The Expendables is a great throwback film and I think Sylvester Stallone succeeded in what he set out to make. I actually hope he's able to make a sequel or two as all the characters are really enjoyable to watch and things blow up real good.

The Hunger Games (Book Review)

Following the Harry Potter and Twilight books, The Hunger Games, by Suzanne Collins, is the next huge book series aimed at young adults. Like the Potter and Twilight phenomenon, The Hunger Games is taking the world by storm and is reaching all ages of readers and appeals equally to girls and boys.


The series has a great set-up. We are in the not-too-distant future and the area of the world that used to be North America has been ravaged by war and the human race has been severely reduced. However, there is still a semblance of society and civilization. The world of the book is run by a city known as The Capitol. Imagine a wheel with spokes and The Capitol would be placed at the center with the 12 districts it oversees fanning out around it.

The Capitol rules with an iron fist and takes what it wants from the districts. It keeps them in line with a strong security force. In the recent past, the districts attempted an uprising but were subjugated. As an ongoing punishment and reminder of the district's place as servants to The Capitol, the hunger games were created.

Each year, a lottery is held in each district and one girl and one boy between the ages of 12 and 18 are selected to battle to the death with the other districts' unfortunate participants. The games are gladiatorial contests to the death and each year they are staged in different natural arenas that are not only pitted with weapons for each competitor to use, but also unspeakable death traps and grisly surprises.

The book opens with our heroine, Katniss. She, like all members of district 12 is living one day at a time. Her district is the mining area of the empire and is a backwater afterthought. The residents eek by on meager rations and Katniss and her good friend, Gale, help their families survive by hunting illegally in the woods outside of district boundaries.

The hunting lifestyle has made Katniss into a talented archer and a very resourceful and strong-willed young woman. Katniss cherishes her family more than anything and when the inevitable lottery comes around again in her 16th year, she dutifully approaches the town square to hear who the unlucky girl and boy will be.

When her 12-year-old, younger sister, Prim, has her name announced, Katniss does the only thing she can to save her, she volunteers to take her place in the hunger games. All seems lost for Katniss but she discovers she has an interesting history with the boy selected next to her. Peeta is her age and she doesn't really know him that well. However, Peeta knows Katniss better than any other living person as he has secretly loved her since the first day he laid eyes upon her.

Thus, Katnis and Peeta are whisked away to the Capitol to begin their training for the hunger games. Katniss has to say goodbye to not only her family, but her dear friend, Gale, who she never quite sorted out her feelings for. Gale has been her steady friend for years and she has always been so concerned with what her next meal will be that she's never considered him as anything else until she is forced to leave him, in all probability to die.

Because, make no mistake, Katniss and Peeta will not be favorites to survive the games. Only one child wins and the districts closer to the capitol are better fed and their kids are better trained. Only one child from the last 30 years has won from district 12. That child, now a drunken man called Haymitch, will actually be their mentor at the games and this doesn't seem in anyway an advantage.

That's all the details I'm getting into. I wanted to paint a picture of the world and give you an idea of where the book is headed. The games are even more cruel and amazing then you would think for a young adult novel. Katniss, Peeta, and Haymitch are a dysfunctional group who argue and stumble through the pre-game ceremonies and training. Yet, they manage to bond and they quickly realize that they will all need each other if anyone is to survive.

There is real emotion involved once they reach the Capitol. These are just children that are being forced to murder or be murdered in turn. It's brutal and it is draining to watch them stare their mortality in the face. But, through all the tragedy, there is heroism, generosity from unexpected places, and love.

I've actually finished the entire trilogy and it is exceptional. There's no way to go into details without spoiling major story and character revelations. I hope your curiosity is piqued and you give the books a chance. I know you will love them.

Despicable Me (Movie Review)

I really didn't know what type of movie to expect with Despicable Me. I knew the main character, played with an Eastern European accent by Steve Carell, was some sort of super-villain. I figured this probably meant that the villain would start off real nasty and by the end of the film be redeemed and all cuddly-like.

Well, I wasn't far off in my prediction. The main character, Gru, is indeed the most heinous villain on the planet at the start of the film but right away he's upstaged by a new villain. Unable to let this stand, Gru sets in motion his grand plan to steal the moon that will make him the greatest villain in history.

Gru and his new tracksuit wearing nemesis start competing with each other and along the way, Gru picks up three orphaned girls in a scheme to infiltrate his hated rival's lair.

There are plenty of comedic moments throughout the film. Most of the laughs are supplied by Gru's little yellow henchmen. They are constantly banging into things, making funny noises, and bumbling through their tasks. Gru's nemesis is pretty amusing as well.

The heart of the film involves Gru's icy nature slowly melting away while he has the three girls in his house. At first, he simply tolerates them for his plan but he begins to enjoy their company and by the end, he's smitten.

Despicable Me is solid animated offering. This isn't exactly Pixar-level entertainment we're talking about here but it's great for all ages and it's a film that will make you feel good when you finish it.

Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole (Movie Review)

My family and I recently watched one the bigger animated movies from last year, Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole. Yes, that is a very long title and in case you fell asleep halfway through reading it, the movie has owls in it.

If up to this point, you've hardly paid attention to Legend of the Guardians — henceforth to be known in this blog as the owl movie — I can completely sympathize with you. When I first saw the trailer for the owl movie, I literally snickered and I'm not really a snickerer. Seriously, some studio executive wants me to see talking CG owls with battle armor? No. No, I will not, sir.

But, then the movie came out and while it didn't break any records or win any awards, it impressed a lot of critics and reviewers so I was willing to give it a shot.

Right away you notice that the movie is a CG extravaganza, a feast for the eyes. You owe it to yourself to view it on the best and biggest TV you can find. The owls really work as characters and the flying sequences over beautiful vistas are really something to behold. The visuals are worth a purchase or rental by themselves.

The story is actually quite interesting too. They aren't breaking any new ground with a story about a young owl who is taken out of his mundane life and thrust into the extraordinary and he eventually becomes a hero. It's Luke from Star Wars and hundreds of other hero characters throughout fictional history. It is a well done hero story though.

Unfortunately, there are gaping plot holes and logic jumps throughout the film. Characters separated early in the film get back together in the most absurdly forced ways. I can literally see the storyboard meetings for the film where they had these amazing action sequences ready to animate but they really needed character X to be with character Y so they just make it happen. It's insane at times how poorly written the script is when it comes to reunions and character relocations. X needed to be with Y so let's put them together, the audience will never notice we just did a little movie magic. Well, I noticed and it took me right out of the film in several spots.

The movie is pretty dark, both in visual style and in theme. These are owls tearing each other apart so be warned if you have little ones. My girls did pretty well with it and we just had to keep reassuring them that the good owls would be OK and the one's with the glowing red eyes are just really grumpy.

Oh, I also need to mention that the songs in the movie are by the group Owl City. I love it. How much more on the nose, or beak, can you get.

One Day (Book Review)

About 90% of the way through One Day, I couldn't wait to finish it so I could log on to my blog and just blabber on incessantly about what a great romantic novel I had just read. Now, after finishing the book, I'm very torn as to what type of review to post.

I hate spoiler reviews. I really hate them for books because it is just so hard to get someone to sit down and read a book — literally dedicate hours and days of their lives — when they already know the major plot points beforehand.

With this in mind, I've come to a crossroads. Do I talk about the book openly and tell the experience I had with it, or, do I talk in broad strokes and try to get someone else to pick it up and read it? I think the surprising answer for me is that I need people to read this book so I can't spoil it.

One Day has a nice story set-up. Emma and Dexter, the main characters, graduate college and it is the day after, July 15th, 1988, to be exact. For the rest of the book, we come back and examine them on this exact day, July 15th. That's it, that's all we get. The reader gets to glimpse them for just the single day a year for the next fifteen years.

It's an ingenious set up and the author, David Nicholls, really makes it work. On the surface, it sounds a lot like the movie, When Harry Met Sally but it is so much deeper than that. I'm going to leave the details of the characters' relationship vague because I want you to discover it. I unfortunately started the book with a preconceived notion of what I thought I was going to read and was surprised by what I found.

Both characters have flaws and good points. Dexter is particularly hard to like at times but is always charming. On the surface, Emma seems uptight and bookish but she continually surprises with some of her actions. I was constantly rooting for them even when they seemed horrible for each other. I wanted them to succeed so badly at everything they attempted and it's heartbreaking to see them fail.

Nicholls does a good job of filling in the blanks of what happened in-between July 15ths. Actually, he's quite good at it and really sly at times. He'll stick in a line here or there foreshadowing something to come  or sometimes he'll very quietly touch on a major life milestone that happened 'off camera' and I was always pleased at how eloquently he got the information across without having to put it in blinking lights.

Don't let this fool you though. Stuff happens on July 15th. A lot of stuff happens. Some of it will make you smile. A lot will warm your heart. A little will make you cringe. I even found myself getting mad and upset at certain points. But, I can't get mad at the story that David Nicholls unfolded and I'm extremely happy I gave his book a read. I think you should as well.

Going the Distance (Movie Review)

Going the Distance is an interesting movie. Sometimes, interesting is a really good thing. Inception is a very interesting movie, for instance. However, used in the context of Going the Distance, interesting is not a positive.

I knew before watching that Drew Barrymore and Justin Long, the hip guy from the Mac commercials, were/are a real life couple. So, it's very interesting that I didn't feel any spark from them on screen. Sure, they kiss real good and stuff but for a couple slowly falling in love I just felt cold towards them.

Barrymore's character wants to break in to the the newspaper business while Long is toiling away in the recording industry. Neither is happy in work or in love so when they bump into each other at a bar, the sparks don't exactly fly. In fact, their first meeting ranks as one of the most awkward, unromantic, and forced scenarios I've seen on film.

Barrymore plays her role very hard for most of the movie. By hard I mean that she comes off as unemotional and uninterested by anything that is happening to her. Long, on the other hand, is at least given amusing friends to banter with and show some personality.

The couple knows up front that they only have a short time together because Barrymore is leaving for San Francisco to finish up school. After the obligatory 'we're falling in love' montage, she eventually leaves and since I never bought the romance to begin with, I hardly cared.

One important thing to note is that the movie is pretty filthy language-wise which surprised me. I expect explicit talk about genitals and sex when I watch a movie like The Hangover or The 40-Year-Old Virgin but it was really out of place here. It's never funny when the characters start talking this way and it's pretty embarrassing to watch.

If you've seen the trailer for the film, you've seen 90% of the best comedy the movie has to offer. There are a few other chuckles to be had from the friends of the couple but that's about it. There are certainly worse romantic comedies out there that have made way more money. Going the Distance does try to be a little original in the romantic genre but it fails mostly. Laughs are to be found that make it worth seeing on cable TV but until then, give it a pass.

Easy A (Movie Review)

I had read good things about the movie, Easy A. I read the lead actress, Emma Stone, was charming and perfect in her role as a girl who tells a little white lie about losing her virginity and finds herself becoming her high school's version of Hester Prynne, she of the scarlet A, from Hawthorne's novel The Scarlet Letter.

After reading such nice words, I watched the trailer and was immediately filled with dread. One of the things I dislike most in literature and movies are clichéd characters and Easy A seemed to feature one these characters I hate the most; the bitchy, bullying, most popular, holier than thou school girl. Like, totally!

I gave the movie a chance even with my reservations and I'm so very glad I did. Easy A is very smartly written. One of the major points of the movie is to take down these clichés and tired story tropes. Olive, Emma Stone's character, constantly acknowledges how absurd her situation is and how beyond normal sense the people around her are acting.

In other words, her character reacts exactly how you or I would act if we plopped down in one of these movies. We'd laugh in the bullies' faces and blow them off and this is exactly what happens in the movie and it is great.

Even though Easy A uses The Scarlet Letter as a jumping off point, this is a comedy. I found myself smiling the whole time. Her parents, especially her dad played by Stanley Tucci, are possibly the coolest parents ever on film.

As Olive's reputation gets more absurd and the rumors get out of hand, the movie still manages to be very sweet and endearing and that's quite an accomplishment considering how nasty all her fellow students are towards her.

Easy A was a pleasant surprise and a great way to kick start my 2011 movie watching.

My Top 5 Video Games of 2009/2010

It takes me a long time to get around to playing video games. I seem to average around 6 months to a year after they originally release before I get my hands on them. Because of this, I played a lot of the best games of 2009 in 2010.

I also didn't play a ton of games in 2010. The reason will become clear when you get to my #1 game. On to the list.

5. Limbo
This came out on Xbox Live Arcade during the summer. It's a very short game but one of the most original and atmospheric games you'll ever come across. The whole game is in shadow and the puzzles are twisted and brutal. It's a left to right side scrolling game but calling it simplistic misses the mark completely. I also should mention that it's creepy as hell.

4. Wii Sports Resort
This is the first game on the Wii that utilizes their motion plus technology. It's a far superior game to the original Wii Sports in every aspect. There are more sports and they're better implemented. I sunk way too much time into frisbee golf. Also, my daughter, Kaylee, figured out how to Wii bowl which makes this daddy proud.

3. Shadow Complex
Another original Xbox Live Arcade title, Shadow Complex shows that there is no limit to what can be done with a downloadable game. It's a cross between Metroid and Castlevania where you have to do a lot of backtracking once you get more powerful weapons. This is a good thing. It's challenging. The shooting is fun and accurate. And, for a downloadable game, it's artistically quite striking.

2. Uncharted 2: Among Thieves
I covered this pretty extensively already in an earlier post. The game is cinematic and epic in scale. You feel like you are playing an Indiana Jones movie. I would have never thought another game could have beat this for game of the (two) years.

1. Red Dead Redemption
But, then there's Red Dead Redemption. Remember how I said I didn't play many games in 2010. Blame Red Dead. I sunk like 50 hours into this amazing western game. I hunted animals for hours, killed outlaws, watched the amazing story unfold, and just generally became enraptured by the entire world that was created. The ending shocked me. I still can't believe what they did to one of my favorite characters of all time. I got my revenge though! See what I mean? Such a great game and story that it became personal.

My Top 5 Movies of 2010

The necessary disclaimer first. I considered all movies I personally saw in 2010. With that in mind, some that came out in 2009 snuck into my top 5. Alas, I haven't seen any of the late 2010 contenders for the best picture Oscar. Sorry, True Grit, Black Swan, Social Network etc.

My list is still pretty solid.

5. How to Train Your Dragon
I just saw this with the family. I was blown away by it. I usually don't regret not seeing a movie in 3D but this looks like it would have been amazing on the big screen in 3D. It's a fun, well-written movie that is great for the whole family. Also, it has Craig Ferguson in it doing a major character so that's top 5 material already.

4. 500 Days of Summer
The ending bummed me out a bit but it didn't alter my feelings for the rest of the movie. Jason Gordon Levitt is one of the great young actors. He elevates all of his movies. His acting is tremendous as he goes through love and heart break. Of course, there's also the amazing musical number featuring Huey Lewis's The Power of Love with a winking cameo appearance by Han Solo.

3. Inception
Well, hello there again Mr. Gordon Levitt. While you didn't make Inception the blockbuster it turned out to be you certainly didn't hinder it. No, what sets this movie apart are the mind bending dreams and killer heist sequences. I read everywhere how people wanted to see this movie again right away. For me, once was enough. I got it. It was fantastically twisted and leaped right to the top of my favorite movies.

2. Toy Story 3
The end of this movie emotionally effected me more than any movie I can ever remember seeing. First, the toys are in mortal peril at the trash dump and then, less than twenty minutes later, Andy is faced with what to do now that he's heading off to college. Seriously, that last scene between Andy and the little girl wrecked me. A beautiful, thrilling, and surprisingly emotional movie. Toy Story 3 is a grown man's Beaches.

1. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
The chances are you didn't see this. For whatever reason, Scott Pilgrim was largely ignored by the movie going public. Michael Cera fatigue? Perhaps. Weird, comic booky sequences that were hard to make sense of? I can see that. However, for me and the other loyal fans, this movie is pure bliss. I grew up in the 8-bit video game era and this movie not only speaks to me, it sings a freaking opera. The comedy is pure gold. I always laugh hysterically when Cera launches himself through the window to avoid his ex-girlfriend. The special effects I would put up against anything else that came out this year. And, then there is that soundtrack. My goodness, that amazing, note perfect soundtrack. The music makes this movie for me.

My Top 5 Books of 2010

I didn't exactly set any records in 2010 with the amount of books I read. Books never seemed to make the cut when I had a moment of free time. I'm expecting this to change this year with my new Kindle (thanks, wifey).

So, I didn't read much but I certainly read quality. Here are the top 5 books I read in 2010.

5. What the Dog Saw

Read my previous post, here, to get more in depth coverage of this fascinating book. Malcolm Gladwell is a man with questions. He wants to know why something is the way it is and he usually finds that what at first appears to be luck or coincidence, can be broken down to certain rules and consistencies.

4. Heart-Shaped Box

I already praised this book to death, get it, death. Ha ha...ahem. It's clever. It's very well written. But, most importantly, it's spooky and creepy as anything I've ever read. I never thought a book could really really freak me out. I was wrong.

3. The Monster of Florence

A true crime story about a forgotten serial killer that turns into real world drama as the authors get caught up in the corrupt Italian justice system. Anybody that is following the Amanda Knox trial in Italy may recognize the lead prosecutor trying to put her away. It's the same bully who questioned Preston and forced him out of the country.

2. Under the Dome

I haven't read a ton of Stephen King but the few I've read over the years have been pretty great. Under the Dome is one behemoth of a book but it's worth the time. The dome is like the Island in Lost. Sure, you want to know why it's there and the mysteries behind it but you keep reading because of the people trapped underneath. Yes, there is the over-the-top, evil used car salesman/councilman but the clichés really didn't bother me. Incredible awful things happen to the people in the town but there are also some pretty rewarding payoffs throughout.

1. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Yes, I'm a sheep. Baaah. I've joined the millions and millions of readers throughout the world who've became enthralled by Lisbeth Sanders, she of the tattoos, computer hacking, and general badassery. Her supporting character, the dogged journalist, Mikael Blomkvist, isn't too shabby in his own right. This is the best book of the trilogy because it not only introduces the world and mysteries that the reader will live in for two more extraordinary books, but this particular book also has one of the best serial killer mysteries in modern day literature. Come on, be a sheep like me. Read these books. The world is waiting for you to join us. Baaaaah.